By Jordan Zipkin, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
It can feel so overwhelming -- even impossible -- to have that loving, intimate, and rewarding relationship. Perhaps when you take an honest look at your marriage or relationship, you sadly find that so much has been going wrong for too long. You know there were good times and understandably, you want them back. You just don’t know how to make it happen, where to begin, or if it’seven possible. You might be pleasantly surprised to learn the answers to these questions.
Dr. John and Julie Gottman, creators of the world-renowned couples therapy method, Gottman Method, explain that “couples who do specific and consistent small, thoughtful things often and repair conflict when it arises, will create a path toward a more intimate, trusting, and satisfying relationship.”
In this blog, we’ll look at 2 of these small and thoughtful efforts.
1. Quality Goodbyes
In the morning, just before you and your partner leave to go about your own days, you want to incorporate small, deliberate, thoughtful,positive, and powerful connection with each other. To do so, in this specific time in the morning, devote 2 minutes in at least 5 days a week to sharing with one another at least 1 interesting thing that will happen in each other’s lives on that day. Then, before you say goodbye, do so with a kiss that lasts at least 6 seconds. There is considerable evidence that tells us that when we engage in these specific efforts in the consistent manner described above we are much more likely to feel important, desired, loved, and connected with our partner.
2. Date Nights and Improved Understanding
It’s critical to create regular opportunities for you and your partner to relax together, as well as to better learn about each other’s worlds. One great way to accomplish this is by committing to a specific day and time each week where you can have a date night. Make sure that these date nights are at least 2 hours long. When you have these date nights, prioritize mutual peace and connection. You can help to accomplish this through devoting at least some portion of these date nights to asking one another open-ended questions such as, “If you could change anything about the world,what would it be?” and/or “How do you picture spending your retirement?”
Once you and your loved one practice these small things often every week, you’ll see how swiftly positive emotions and experiences envelope your relationship. You’ll be well on your way you establishing or recreating that rewarding, close, and intimate relationship you and your partner both want and deserve.
To learn more about these and other critical skills to help you and your partner transform into that caring, loving, and close couple, I can help you through a telehealth session in a HIPAA-compliant video or phone session. Give me a call and we'll discuss how I can help. Jordan Zipkin, LMFT, at 561.214.4113.
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